another moral hangover. fuck.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
