Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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