I heard we made out
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
