I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
