there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is the high leading the old right now
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
