Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
a search helicopter?!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
