When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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