no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you will always have a special place in my vag
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
