You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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