i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
