yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
