i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
whose ass print is on the piano?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
