Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
