He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
