is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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