What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
