JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
