are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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