didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
