Im at strip club and am horny
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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