every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
