a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
zippers are such a cool invention
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
