Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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