I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
