i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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