I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
