We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
