I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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