just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
