Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
