If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She's the barista slut.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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