Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
