This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
