I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
