if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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