when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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