chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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