i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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