I want to have your abortion
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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