I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
