I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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