Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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