I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
