Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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