how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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