She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
