I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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