YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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