Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
