even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Randomize
