home. puking in laundry basket.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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