no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
