I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I didn't notice because vodka
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
