you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
